Welcome to Settle For More. My name is J. Dewey and I am an out and proud father to two boys in a two-dad family living in New York’s beautiful and historic Hudson Valley. As a child, I read voraciously, and my dream was to be a famous author, like those who wrote the books that obsessed me. Then in fifth grade I added “teacher” to the career wish list. Just before I graduated college, I went to a friends’ senior art show and lamented that I majored in English and literature instead of pursuing graphic design. And in my early thirties, I wanted to become an interior designer. Throw in a stint as a wannabe house music DJ and a small-scale-successful podcaster, and you have an extensive list of “when I grow up” endeavors.
Instead of those careers, I spent decades in fundraising and public relations for regional not-for-profits centered in the public health sector. I did utilize my English degree with fair amounts of writing, and incorporated that interest in graphic design by learning (and then teaching) all the Adobe design programs for marketing collateral, fundraising appeals, websites, and social media. Along the way, I got married to my best friend and started a family with one, and then two, foster kids who became free for adoption. I landed an estimable position in hospital marketing, which provided for us very well, but left me with little time for hobbies (like podcasting) or more important things like caring for my family.
My husband and I realized that we only have a few years left with these kids before they go off to pursue their dreams. So I quit the super-stressful marketing job, and settled into a new role as a stay-at-home dad.
Now, in my fiftieth year, I'm going back to the original plan. The writing I did on the job had become perfunctory, and I have not had much opportunity to express the bubbling thoughts and ideas and connections that percolate in between the demands of trying to hold it all together in modern life. Now that I have more mental “breathing room,” I aim to return to childhood joys, like writing.
When I first began to consider a Substack newsletter, I knew I would need a title. The phrase “settling into a new role” seemed like a fitting starting point, until I considered that some people think of “settling” as a negative. The word has become a synonym for giving up…lowering expectations…accepting less. Yet I am not settling, in that sense. I am settled—marriage, mortgage, kids all established happily—but having such things does not fill me with any sense of regret or FOMO. (Yes, some days are exhausting, and I have plenty of friends who have the freedom to have wild adventures and vacations and, I assume, weekend mornings when they can sleep in, that give me a twinge of jealousy sometimes.) I’m settled, as in still, sorted out, set in place. The remainder, in addition to the foundational elements that are already settled, is simply ‘more.’ Because I haven’t settled for less. To coin a phrase, I’ve settled for more.
While I am not certain of what this new creative space will become, I suspect that my lifelong and current interests and obsessions will jostle with memories, recipes, rants on interior design, and parenting fails. (Quick example: whenever an ad on Instagram promises that your kids will love this toy so much they’ll forget about screen time, don’t buy it—the lie or the toy.)
I invite you along with me, wherever this goes. Let’s set out on a journey…for more.